Saying Goodbye to Siena Noble, Romance Author

Hello again at last, everyone. This past year and some change has been quite a journey. It’s been a mixed bag, to say the very least. I imagine plenty of you have entirely forgotten who the hell Siena Noble is by now, and for those of you who haven’t, you might have been wondering if maybe I actually died or disappeared. If you’ve been with me for a while now, then you know that I’ve taken frustratingly long hiatuses before, that I’ve struggled for a long time with personal setbacks, my mental health, relationship and family struggles, and was only diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago.

I’m not trying to garner sympathy or make excuses; you’ve all read my apologies and explanations for my long absences and book delays before. But writing this post in particular has been something that I’ve been meaning to do for months, something that I’ve wrestled with that was tangled up with so many complicated feelings of guilt, shame, embarrassment, and yes, a sense of loss. I knew that I just needed to get over myself and write it already, because at this point I can’t move forward without openly acknowledging that this time is different. And as much as it pains me to say it, I think that my time as Siena Noble is over.

Some of you may have already noticed by now that the first two (and frankly, the only two) books of The Loft series, Whip Smart and Strictly Business, are no longer available to buy on Amazon or other stores; the audiobooks are still available on Audible as of this writing, though I am working on getting those unpublished as well. Way back toward the end of last year, I’d been working through my complicated feelings about my own recent painful breakup and my long-time inability to just finish that damn series already when I’d once been so passionate about it. There were a lot of things about the story and the characters that just weren’t gelling well in my mind anymore, things that I’d written in the first two books and ideas for the rest of the series that had once seemed like great ideas but now felt problematic, unrealistic, cringy and obnoxious, or which now seemed likely to cause plot holes or other issues in future books. And truth be told, some of the valid criticism in reviews got to me a little, and I started to seriously re-evaluate my work. And while a part of me–like all authors–still wishes that the frustrated and unhappy reviewers had seen what I had initially seen in these characters and this story, I was starting to agree with them. Their frustrations were valid, and even if I had managed to publish the third book in a timely manner, it dawned on me that there was no way that book three was going to be the one that brought all those frustrating plot threads together in a way that finally turned everyone’s opinions around.

Essentially, I realized that the only way I’d be satisfied with the conclusion that I had in mind for the series was to start over from scratch and radically rewrite Tera and Eric’s story from the ground up. And for a while, that’s exactly what I’d planned to do; I was going to rename the series and the individual books, turn it into a trilogy rather than a 4-5 book series, and alter a lot of the details of how they met and how Tera’s previous abusive relationship with Kellan Wakeham played out and how she ended up leaving him. But… well, none of the details were falling into place, I was hitting all kinds of creative roadblocks, and honestly, I was realizing that I may have strayed too far out of my lane in trying to write Eric’s POV as a white author and I don’t think I could fully do him justice as a character or bring the needed authenticity to his narrative POV. Eventually, I’d realized that I’d simply lost my passion for the series and felt less and less motivation to rewrite it as time went on. Who was ever going to read it, especially when I’d been inactive as an author for so long that it was seeming more and more impossible that I could ever resurrect my pen name? And not to mention the fact that for those of you who did enjoy the first two books of the original Loft series, I was afraid that I’d already burned up my last shreds of good will, or if I hadn’t already I almost certainly would with the announcement that whoops, sorry, if you want to read the continuation of Tera and Eric’s romance you’ll have to actually read two new books first since the old ones aren’t “canon” now and the new one won’t make sense otherwise!

So, yeah, I’ve basically been hiding away like a dirty coward for a while now because I hate making people upset. And yes, I do realize that a lot of you are already very upset, or annoyed, or maybe you simply gave up and moved on from The Loft or Risky Business a long-ass time ago. And I really, truly, am sorry. And who knows, maybe some of you would have loved to read the rewritten version of The Loft (which I was tentatively going to rename the Unravel Me Trilogy), and while I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up, I haven’t entirely written off the possibility of someday writing it and making it available to read, most likely for free either in ebook form or posted chapter-by-chapter on my blog, because like hell if I’ll expect you to shell out more money for something you all should have been able to read literal years ago.

And yes, the same goes for the Risky Business Trilogy, unfortunately. As of this writing, it is still currently available to buy on Amazon and most other stores, I believe, since for a long time after I’d unpublished The Loft books to rewrite them I wasn’t willing to totally give up on Kiera and Caleb’s story just yet. Honestly, at that point in time I was more passionate about those books and had grown more attached to the characters, probably because it was the more recent series and I was the closest to having the 2nd book ready to publish in a form I was happy with. But then my life got upended a bit, and my romance writing mojo took a hit, and I couldn’t concentrate on getting Flying High out there when reworking The Loft into the Unravel Me Trilogy was such a distraction. Plus, it didn’t help that of course the two series had to be intertwined and I had big crossover plans for the final book of The Loft/Unravel Me, so I had to think about if the rewrites would conflict with anything in Flying High and High Reward (which was set to be book three of Risky Business).

And then… well, this probably isn’t going to make any sense at all, but then I started watching Succession, and I realized I was kinda accidentally writing the Roy family? Like, not exactly, of course; the Wakehams aren’t prefect parallels to the Roys, but anytime I tried to write or whenever I thought about my books I would immediately be reminded of Succession. Which is a fantastic show and has quickly become one of my absolute favorites, don’t get me wrong, but it does kinda kill the romance writing vibe. Especially when I can’t help but feel like I inadvertently wrote Caleb as a painfully and unrealistically sincere version of Kendall Roy.

I know this must all sound pretty silly; not to mention a bit confusing since you didn’t meet most of the Wakehams in High Risk and Flying High is/was where the really juicy family drama would become more apparent. It’s just hard to put into words exactly how my feelings about my own writing changed after getting into Succession, but I think what it mainly boils down to is a heightened sense of disgust with the ultra-rich. Of course, that’s not at all to say that I pro-billionaire IRL before this, and to be perfectly honest, even before now I felt like I could never get fully onboard with the billionaire romance subgenre.

But I think after watching Succession, my disillusionment with the billionaire romance was complete. I’d been fully aware of exactly what subgenre I was writing in from the moment I started High Risk, of course; perhaps a little too self-aware about the wrong things. Because the problem with the Risky Business Trilogy–and Caleb Martin’s character in particular–was that I was trying too hard to create what I felt what the “ideal” kind of millionaire/billionaire romance that readers would love and that I would love to read myself. I’m nothing if not a perfectionist, and I admit that one of my biggest worries as an author is unintentionally writing anything that someone else might find problematic, abusive, or otherwise hurtful (which, of course, I recognize that I’m almost certainly bound to fail at at some point because I’m far from perfect, but I’m always seeking to do better and learn more).

Basically, on the one hand, I was trying so much harder than I had with Whip Smart to write “to market” as they say, to include the tropes that readers expect and crave from billionaire romance and to execute them well. And on the other hand, there were the common tropes of the subgenre and of a lot of contemporary erotic romance in general that I find problematic that I wanted to subvert or play with. And on top of all of that, I had begun to realize, I was doing an awful of bending over backwards to “justify” writing a billionaire romance, as if I needed some kind of excuse. Was I turning into some metafictional version of the “weird nerds defending Elon Musk” meme, or had I simply written Caleb Martin as a big ol’ NLOB, a “not like other billionaires” hero? Why did I feel the need to clarify that he wasn’t technically a billionaire, merely a multimillionaire who definitely doesn’t exploit his employees and is really just a down-to-earth outsider in the world of the rich who just wants to make up for his past sins, take down his corrupt family, and was the only one truly worthy of taking over the family business empire? Why couldn’t I just chill the fuck out and simply have fun writing a billionaire romance without the need to justify it to myself and engaging in weird apologetics for the fact that I wanted to? Why did I even want so badly to write in a subgenre that was never fully my cup of tea to begin with and which was becoming less and less so over time?

Soooo, yeah, needless to say, my newfound Succession obsession left me with a bunch of feelings. In the end, I realized that I was simply too burned out and too disillusioned with the kind of story I was writing to feel like I could do it justice anymore. The desire to delve deep into the corrupt world of the Wakeham family and their dirty secrets still hasn’t fully gone, and neither has the desire to see Kiera and Caleb through to their HEA. But that passion has definitely diminished, and more and more I’ve been feeling like maybe the story in the form that I would most like to tell it in wouldn’t fit perfectly well into the mold of a satisfying, to-market billionaire romance, but it probably wouldn’t really fit in any genre besides romance, either.

Where does that leave the Risky Business Trilogy, then? Well, as I said, High Risk is still available to buy as of this writing, but I’ve been putting off unpublishing it for a while now so sadly that will likely not be the case for long. I will say, though, that assuming I will eventually continue writing as Siena Noble in some for and will make my romance works available for free, I am far more likely to make these books available than I am The Loft/Unravel Me. Actually, I’m fairly confident that I will find my romance mojo again in the near future and start working on Kiera and Caleb’s story again, simply because I hated leaving it off on a damn cliffhanger and I really do want to see it through in some shape or form. In any case, while High Risk will likely be disappearing from Amazon and other stores in the coming days, I’ll be working on posting a link on my website where you can download a copy of the eBook for free. And perhaps sometime in the next couple of months you’ll find me posting chapters of Flying High as blog posts, which ideally I will then compile/edit into a single free eBook as well once it’s finished.

But speaking of this blog and website, however, I think I should address just what the hell this all means for the future of my Siena Noble pen name, and where exactly I, Leanne (because I feel like you should at least be on real first name basis with me at this point), am going from here. Well, as much as I hate to say it, I think it’s time to put Siena Noble behind me. I still enjoy romance as a reader, but as a writer I’m frankly burned out on it, and I should’ve come to terms with the fact that I kind of suck as a genre romance author a long time ago. I can write short to save my life, apparently, which I guess wouldn’t be a bad thing if only every idea I had didn’t inevitably turn into an overly-ambitious series. And I guess that wouldn’t be so bad, either, if I could kick the habit of ending the first book in a series on a cliffhanger for the main couple, and even that wouldn’t be so bad if only I could keep up with the breakneck pace that the romance market moves at. Hell, if I could manage to focus my attention and get in the right headspace for long enough to write and publish a book at least once a damn year, that would be a start! But even if I could write as fast as I wish I could, I still tend to get bogged down in little details and to get distracted by complex ideas for other plotlines at the detriment to the main romance plot.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, maybe if I wanted to write Whip Smart as a kind of “anti-Fifty Shades” or whatever, I should’ve just put it up on Wattpad or Fictionpress or my old book blog for free. Because nearly every single romance novel idea I’ve had since then has been a spin-off of The Loft or would take place in the same universe. And because all these ideas are connected, they all in some way tie back to this petty, reactionary, and somewhat egotistical need I had back when I was fresh out of college and knew fuck all about anything and was only just starting to read other, better romance novels besides FSOG. It’s been about 6 years at this point since I first started writing Whip Smart, you’d think I would’ve moved on already; but with the series going unfinished for so long I kept going back to it, and I think in a way it stunted my growth as a romance author. But maybe more significantly, the longer I tried to convince myself that any day now I’d get my act together and finally become successful writing romance, the more I yearned to be able to focus on some project in a different genre without all the pressure I was putting on myself to focus on building my romance “career.” I’d have time to give fantasy writing a shot again someday, I told myself; but could I really just give up live with being a total failure when I had such ambitious plans for Siena Noble and I was still in the middle of two different series that I was so passionate about writing.

Not that there was anything really “preventing” me from working on other projects except for myself, and it’s not like I never did. But if I started to take my latest fantasy novel idea too seriously and allowed myself to get too distracted, I felt guilty and anxious, knowing that what I really should be focusing on was publishing my next romance sequel before my books completely dropped into obscurity, but more importantly for the sake of the readers who actually wanted to keep reading. It just became a vicious cycle that only made me more depressed and exacerbated my ADHD, and I guess it was sometime early this year that I finally reached my tipping point. I can’t keep going on like this. And while it’s impossible not to call myself a quitter, I’m at least trying my hardest not to call myself a failure. Sure, I’ve failed to deliver on a lot of my promises and failed to live up to my own lofty expectations, but maybe it’s better to look at my time as Siena Noble as a learning experience. A depressing, stressful, and expensive learning experience, but one that I’m hopeful will at least be valuable.

Because I am going to keep writing. For any of you who are into fantasy (especially urban fantasy, paranormal, vampires, or historical fantasy), with a hefty dose of romance on the side, I invite you to continue to keep an eye on this blog. If my technologically-inept self doesn’t fuck it up, the web address for this site will likely be changing to very soon as well as getting a radical makeover to go along with my new fantasy pen name, Leanne Lukacs. Hopefully, it should work so that redirects to it as well.

Unfortunately, I can’t promise that you’ll be getting any full fantasy novels from me in the near future, since I’m actually planning on submitting my current manuscript to agents once it’s finished. Yep, that’s right, I’m going trad, baby. Well, I’m making the attempt, at least! It’s been my dream since childhood, after all, and I think I’m at that age now where I’m finally ready to say fuck it and just go for it. But I do have a lot of interesting things that I’d love to blog about as I’m researching various things for this book/series, because I’ve been getting veeery deep into all kinds of topics that I just have to talk about, from vampire folklore, to Victorian medicine, to archaeology of the bronze age Mediterranean. I’ll write more about what exactly this weird novel is that I working on in another blog post, since this one is getting super long as it is, but I’m actually pretty excited to share all the wacky and wild parts of my writing process with you.

As I said before, I’d also love to continue posting chapters of Kiera and Caleb’s continuing story on this blog as well, though I can’t promise those updates will be on any kind of set schedule. But I guess the next biggest question is, what the hell does this mean for my Fifty Shades Revisited recaps? Well… I still don’t know yet at this point. It was kind of fun for a while, even if each post took up a lot of time and effort, but I think I’m a little too burned out on FSOG at this point to be as dedicated to it these days. I mean, I did say that I went into those recaps in the hopes that it would help purge it from my system once and for all, and maybe it worked a little too well.

I’m not saying I won’t ever get back to it; hell, I’m certain I will, but I can’t say at this point if the recaps are going to be all that frequent. Plus, I actually kind of had a mild crisis when I bit the bullet late last year and got the audiobook edition of Freed since I had some Audible credits to spend. And well, lets just say finding out what was in those 200 goddamn extra pages did a lot to kill my recapping fervor. Spoilers: the first 200-ish pages/however many listing hours is just Christian Grey’s POV of the month and a half that was skipped over between Fifty Shades Darker and Fifty Shades Freed. So, basically 200 pages of ONLY his POV of fucking nothing. Oh, that’s not to say that we don’t get any uh, interesting (if you can call it that) details, but there is just no goddamn way I could stand recapping all that before actually getting into the meat (if you can call it that) of the story. I mean, it kinda defeats the purpose of the way I set out to recap both Ana’s and Christian’s books in parallel, after all. Yeah, yeah, maybe I’m just making excuses, but assuming I end up actually making it all the way to the end of the FSD/Darker, I still have to decide if/how I’m going to tackle the end of the trilogy. Is it even still worth it at this point, or should I just quit the recaps here? I’m open to any thoughts and suggestions.

Oh, and I’m tentatively going to be starting a YouTube channel as well. I know, I know, this is a lot of new stuff I’m throwing at you and it probably just sounds like me being my overly ambitious self again. But I’m trying to not put such high expectations on myself creatively anymore and just let myself write and create and have fun doing whatever I want to do. I’ve actually wanted to casually try my hand at video essays for a long time, I just never had the confidence to feel like it was worth even trying before. I didn’t want it to just be another passion project that ended in embarrassing failure because I couldn’t devote consistent attention to it and live up to my own arbitrary standards. But I’m not setting out to make a career out of YouTube, and I’m not worrying about things like monetization or aggressive audience building right now. But if you’re interested in video essays on whatever movie or TV show or media-related topic I’m feeling nostalgic or passionate about, keep an eye on my blog and Twitter feed for updates. Right now I’m working on a video on the movie Bram Stoker’s Dracula, because of course it would be like me to put out something like that after the 125th anniversary of the novel’s publication has already passed. But hey, Dracula Daily is still relevant, right?

OK, I really do need to wrap this up now, but I just want to thank you all so much for joining me on this strange author journey of mind. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a better Siena Noble to you all, but I’m hoping you can forgive me. And if fantasy is your thing, I’d really love it if you’d consider sticking around for Leanne Lukacs, too.

Stay Beautiful and Be Kind to Yourselves,


The One About the Romance Author and the Break-Up

Hello once again, my lovely readers. I know you were all expecting the already long-overdue release of Flying High, and the much, much longer awaited release of Tangled Love. And some of you who might be newer readers are probably confused and frustrated by the unexplained disappearance of those two pre-orders from the store. And I know at least a few of you have been asking why I suddenly disappeared entirely from Twitter and my blog.

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Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter Four: THE DARKNESS

*Beleaguered sigh* Well… Flying High was supposed to have been out a week ago, but things got delayed by again mostly due to stuff I had to do for my new day job that I just started (oh yeah, I got a new job, btw, yay me; leave it to me to think I could manage to release a book and start a new full-time job at the same time while also still working another part-time job for at least the next couple months), plus I realized “oh shit, I should probably file my tax returns already before I forget and do it at literally the last possible moment yet again,” plus I finally got my official ADHD diagnosis back, except the small neuropsych practice that did my eval. doesn’t actually do treatment, so now I need to go through the whole process again of being referred to a doctor… you could say I got a little overwhelmed. Oh, and then my computer crapped out on me for a couple days and of course I panicked thinking I’d have to get a new one, but thankfully it wasn’t as bad as all that. This laptop is definitely on its last legs, though, so I’m thinking I might have to just bite the bullet and put at least some of that $1400 COVID relief check towards a new one.

By the time I was able to adequately focus on putting the final touches on my manuscript I figured I’d still be able to have it for sale by this past weekend, but alas, no. My books seem to usually get stuck in review on KDP for a while, so we’ll see how this week goes. Sorry it looks like it’ll still be at least a few more days, but hey, at least you have this recap to tide you over, right?

Basically how I’m feeling right about now…

Oh, and in other news that you may or may not care about, I literally just found out that Freed (the upcoming final installment of 50 Shades from Christian’s POV) is going to be 768 pages long. That’s almost two hundred pages longer than the original Fifty Shades Freed, and on average, a little over two hundred pages longer than most of the other books in the series. What’s contained within those extra 200 pages remains to be seen. The secrets of the universe? A surprise “ten years later” epilogue in which Ana fakes her own death to escape her abusive marriage and in the course of the investigation it’s revealed that Christian was a serial killer all along? Maybe after selling her soul in exchange for these books being a massive success, ELJ was forced to uphold her end of the bargain by copying and pasting an excerpt from the Necronomicon right in the middle of the book, and all who read it shall be damned for eternity. All I know is Freed was in the “books you make like” section of the Amazon page of one of my books, so she’d better appreciate the free promotion I’m unwillingly giving her.

Continue reading “Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter Four: THE DARKNESS”

Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter Three: Clown Car of Awful

Yes, I’m back with more Fifty Shades already, even though I said I might be taking the week off while I focused on the upcoming release of Flying High. Well, I’d started working on this post just so I could be sure to have it done and scheduled to go out next Monday after my book release, not at all intending to actually finish it today. But then I found out I’d managed to miss the latest E.L. James news: Freed, aka Fifty Shades Freed from Christian’s POV is finally coming this June, everyone. Fucking called it. And I guess I just felt so inspired that I simply couldn’t stop working on this recap. Although, I can’t exactly say I’m shamelessly capitalizing on this news for clicks, because no one seems to be even talking about it. Whether it was overshadowed by all the royal family drama dominating Twitter’s trending topics or the fact that ELJ really has slipped that far into obscurity by now I’m not sure, but either way it makes me happy. Even though I’m so damn committed to these recaps at this point that you know I’m eventually going to swallow my pride and buy the book…

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Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter Two: …Or Something

I had the most demoralizing thought when I woke up this morning. I turn 28 this year, which means I’m officially the same age as Christian Grey. Our birthdays are even relatively close. I await my $1,000,000,000 check in the mail.

A few housekeeping things before I start. First, I noticed rather belatedly that I’d quoted a few hefty chunks from the book(s) in my first post, which generally isn’t best practice when blogging about a book. I’ll try to break up longer passages I want to quote into smaller chunks with commentary or gifs in between from now on.

Also, I guess it’s the WordPress theme I’m using, but long quotes in their little indented quote block thingys are automatically italicized, so things that were originally italicized in the book don’t show up as different than the rest of the text. So, I’ll just be underlining italicized portions of quotes instead.

Just like last time, quotes from FSOG will be in blue, but quotes from Grey will now be in green, and when included in the same paragraph as my own text, quotes will be bolded and italicized as well. I hope the colors aren’t too confusing; I’d prefer to use red to green, but since changing my site’s theme colors so that links stood out more, links now show up as pink, and I thought the shade was too close to red.

When we last left Ana, she couldn’t seem to get out of Christian Grey’s office fast enough after the most thrilling interview to ever put me to sleep. Little did she know, Mr. Grey was at that very moment having some guy named “Welch”–his pet private investigator?–run a background check on her. As one does, of course.

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Fifty Shades of Grey Revisited Chapter One: So, We Meet Again, my Old Nemesis

It’s 2021, bitches, and do you know what that means? Yep, it’s the 10th anniversary we’ve all (?) been waiting for: Fifty Shades officially turns a decade old.

I feel like I’ll be getting a lot of mileage out of Lonely Island jokes since there’s really nothing more early-mid 2010’s than Fifty Shades and The Lonely Island.

So, uh, yeah, we’re really doing this. This is where my life is at right now. As you might recall from my last blog post, I had a few more announcements that I didn’t get around to since it got just a little long-winded. So, surprise! You’re getting the chapter-by-fucking-chapter Fifty Shades sporking/recap/(mental)breakdown you didn’t ask for, because it’s not like that’s ever been done before.

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So, It Looks Like I Have ADHD… (And So Does my Main Character…)

Long time no see, my lovely readers! I know it’s been a hot minute since you’ve heard from me, as I’ve just been kind of a creepy recluse for the past half a year or so who keeps postponing book releases and retweeting things on Twitter. But, if you happen to recall my last couple blog posts and more recent stream-of-consciousness Twitter threads (though I don’t know why you would), then you should have a fairly decent idea of what’s been going on with me.

Continue reading “So, It Looks Like I Have ADHD… (And So Does my Main Character…)”

A Quick Update and Apology

Hello, all. First off, a quick apology to those of you how might’ve already pre-ordered Flying High for Dec. 14th. Some of you are probably surprised and maybe a little upset that it was on pre-order, but as I’m embarrassed that I’ve had to move and cancel pre-orders in the past and mostly wanted to do so to make setting up links in the backmatter of my other books and promotional stuff easier, I hesitated to make a big announcement about it. As you have probably already guessed, I once again had to adjust the release date. It will be out once and for all on Dec. 26, however, and I’m also working hard to bring you an early Christmas surprise… though given all the wild ups and downs that have been happening in my life lately that lead to me postponing my upcoming releases yet again that I’d been literally in tears over with both anxiety and excitement, I can’t make any promises. 

You might have also noticed that Dec. 26 was originally the pre-order release date for Tangled Love, and probably still appears as such on Amazon as you’re reading this email, since KDP can be pretty slow to update. Long story short (and I promise I’ll give you more details on what’s been going on with me, like I promised in a blog post months back, but the basic version is I now know much of my depression and anxiety stem from ADHD, yay), after a lot of hard deliberation, I decided to yet AGAIN switch the planned release dates of Flying High and Tangled Love. I know, I know, I really need to figure out how to focus on one single writing project long enough to finish it in a reasonable time, but I promise I’m working on it. Like, starting therapy with a new counselor and possibly getting on medication working on it.

So, the final (I hope and pray) and absolute release dates for each book will be Dec. 26 and Jan 9, respectively. And I mean it when I say this was hard, because I’ve been beating myself up over the fact that it’s already been over TWO YEARS since Strictly Business came out, and I’m ashamed of the fact that I’ll now be pushing the release of book three of The Loft series into year 3. I figured I might as well give up and throw the whole thing out before I could stomach doing that, but it is what it is at this point, and I know myself at least well enough to know that I can’t have it done in time for the end of 2020. I hope that those of you who’ve enjoyed Tera and Eric’s story so far are still willing to stick it out for just a few more weeks, because despite how long it’s taken, I am really proud of this latest installment–of how far they’ve come as characters and how far I’ve come in my writing since my first book.

Did I say this was going to be quick? Sorry about that. Anyway, that’s the somewhat abbreviated version of what’s been up with me, and I hope you all aren’t too mad at me and are still eager for the next installments of both of my ongoing series. I will say that I am very hopeful about next year (and yes, I know I’ve said that kind of thing several times in the past), and I have a lot of big plans. And while I am trying to be realistic about things, I do also have reason to believe that things are genuinely turning around for me this time, and that next year I’ll actually be able to put out multiple books. I mean, I guess it helps that I’m always jumping around between projects and I basically have six novels entirely plotted out in my head at any given time…

And I wasn’t kidding when I said there might be a Christmas surprise to look forward to in a few days… the surprise being if I can actually finish it before Christmas! Yay me for having a literally last-minute bright idea to bring a bunch of half-baked and abandoned side projects together for a holiday-themed short story collection when I really needed to be working on one of my two long-overdue books. To be fair to myself, though, I do feel like it was good for my mental health during a period when I’ve pretty much been at rock bottom to take a break from pulling my hair out trying to focus on my main books to write a few side stories featuring my characters that were mostly just for me, but hey, if you guys want to read them as well, that would be amazing.

And just one final note, you might have also noticed that the model stock photos on the covers of High Risk and Risky Business have been switched and were wondering why. Well, I’m guessing a hand lightly cupping the underside of a boob is too risque for Amazon, because the original cover was rejected when I tried to submit High Risk for Amazon ads a few months back. The simplest solution at the time seemed to be to swap it out for the “more innocent” pose on the Flying High cover, and even though I didn’t think the color scheme on the covers looked quite as nice with the new photos at first, it’s kinda grown on me since then. Sorry to anyone who really preferred the look of the old covers.

So, if my holiday shorts collection is ready in time, then you’ll be hearing from me again very soon! And whether or not it is, I hope you all have a happy holiday season and are doing as well as can be expected this year. Take care of yourselves.

Now Selling Premade Covers and Audiobook Proofing services!

Hello, all. Apologies for the lack of updates since my last semi-confessional post, and apologies for not yet having my next book out. I am still on-track to release Flying High by the end of the month, but I don’t want to make any promises I’m not 100% sure I can keep, especially since a number of things are so up-in-the-air with my life at the moment, and I’m still struggling to find my romance-writing mojo again. So, uncovering and maintaining the motivation and inspiration to finish my upcoming books has been a difficult process to work through lately.

However, I have been dabbling in a few related interests of mine to keep my creative muscles limber, and have been considering ways to expand my side hustle as a writer, help out my fellow self-published authors, and make a few extra bucks. So, I now have a section for author services on my website! Currently, I only offer pre-made book covers and audiobook proof listening, but depending on how much free time I have and the interest whether or not people would be interested, I’d like to eventually expand into offering proofreading/copyediting services and more newsletter promo opportunities.

A sampling of my pre-made covers:

So, if you’re an author (or know an author) who’s looking for some eye-catching covers for your new romance book or series, or you’re looking for someone to give your audiobook files a listen to make sure the narration is error-free, hit me up! Also, if you’re interested in having me promote your book in my newsletter as well as on Twitter and Facebook, feel free to reach out via my contact form or email me directly at Currently, I only take on book promos on a case-by-case basis based on my availability and what I think my readers would be most interested in (primarily contemporary, new adult, or erotic romance), and my mailing list and social media following are still small but growing, so keep that in mind. I’m open to either newsletter swaps where you promote a book of mine in return, or a solo promo for $10.

Just a Brief Update

Hi, everyone, I hope you’re all doing as well as can be expected given the fact that it’s 2020. This might seem out-of-the-blue since I’ve barely made an appearance online recently except to occasionally retweet things, but I figured now was as good a time as any to check in and let you all know that I am still alive.

It’s been over two months now since the release of High Risk, and yes, I was hoping to have had my next two upcoming books out by now, or at the very least one of them. I’m really sorry that it hasn’t happened yet and I won’t make any excuses for myself, and as tempted as I am to promise that Flying High will be out in the next week or two and Tangled Love soon after, I’ll honestly just be happy with myself if I get one of those out by the end of the fall, and both of them plus the final book of the Risky Business Trilogy out by the end of the year.

But as of right now, I’m really just trying to take things one day at a time. I hesitate to go into too much detail right now, especially given the fact that so much about my life situation is still in flux right now; sometime perhaps a couple months in the future I’ll come back to it and give you a more detailed rundown of what’s been going on with me, vomit up all the thoughts and emotions that have been building up inside me onto my blog, but I’m just not in the right place to do that yet. What I will say for right now is that I’m going through a moment of personal crisis that I feel like my life has been building up to for quite a while now. A lot of it has to do with my mental health, and all these complicated feelings of being lost and aimless, feeling like a childish loser for not having my shit figured out well into my late twenties, and the shame of putting off some critical decisions regarding my career and the possibility of going back to school out of a combination of anxiety and other reasons that I couldn’t put my finger on.

This personal crisis more or less came to a head recently, and while it’s lead to some really important mental/emotional breakthroughs in my life and I feel like I’m finally, slowly starting to get my life on the track I want it to be on, these breakthroughs have also revealed the fact that I still have a lot more big, scary steps to take in the right direction. In many ways, I feel a huge sense of relief and a new sense of clarity about myself and my life, but that sense of clarity has brought with it an onslaught of confusing, overwhelming realizations about the hard work ahead of me in the coming weeks and months, as well as other, more emotionally draining realizations about things I think I’ve known deep down for a while now that I have to do to truly move forward with my life, but finding the strength and the right opportunity to do with is monumentally hard.

And of course, tied up in all of this is the near-simultaneous revelation that so many of the difficulties I’ve faced since as far back as at least 8th grade may or may not be due to the fact that I might’ve been living with undiagnosed ADHD all this time. I still don’t know for sure yet, as one of the hard things I’ve been putting off for a long time has been going back to therapy (and I know I probably shouldn’t have been OUT of therapy of begin with, but that’s a whole other can of worms). The hell of it is, though, I don’t know if my extreme procrastination of that issue is an ADHD thing, or if it’s just the fact that the thought of opening up about my personal issues to a whole new therapist/counselor exhausts me just thinking about it, or if it’s a little bit of both. And maybe I don’t even have ADHD at all, that it’s just my regular old anxiety talking, that I’m concocting this excuse in my head to make myself feel better for being a lazy, unmotivated deadbeat who’s going nowhere in my life. Or maybe that nasty voice that’s telling me I’m a lazy deadbeat is just my depression telling me to hate myself. After all, no one thought to diagnose me with it before or suggest I might have it… but then again, maybe I was also downplaying those particular symptoms, or attributing them to other issues… I’m just a whole mess right now, ok?

And yeah, for that alone I know it’s obvious that I do seriously need to get that professional help no matter how hard it is to reach out and ask for it, regardless of whether or not I end up with a new diagnosis and potentially new, better methods of coping with it. And yes, I do plan on seeking out a therapist very soon. But with all the other thoughts fighting for attention in my head–applying for jobs, knowing that I’ll be moving sometime in the near future but not knowing exactly where or when, worrying about money and the fact that I practically have none after some high expenses in the past year, possibly applying to grad schools, worrying about the election and the pandemic and my mother’s health issues, AND THEN SOME MORE ON TOP OF THAT–it’s been a little hard to get my priorities straight. And unfortunately at the moment, the priority that’s come out on top has been my job search.

Needless to say, between all that and a few other factors I’ll likely get deeper into in that future blog post, it’s been extremely difficult to focus on writing. And getting into the right emotional headspace to write a romance in particular (or even read one) has been next to impossible, I’m afraid to admit. It’s so hard to put into words right now without getting too deeply into things that I’m not quite ready to talk about, but I’ve just been feeling so alienated from my characters and their emotional journies right now. I want to badly to just dive back in and fully immerse myself in their world and forget my own very unromantic problems, but finding the capacity to do so is a slow and frustrating process, and given all the more pressing concerns taking up room in my brain recently, I think it was ultimately for the best that I took a step back from writing for a couple months.

I really don’t have a good ending for this long-winded, rambling word vomit, other than to apologize, thank you for your eternal patience, and promise you that I haven’t completely lost my romance mojo. A huge part of me is itching to finally release my next book, and although I can’t promise you an exact date, I do want to assure you that Flying High will be out soon. By the end of this month, if I can manage it. If you made it this far into the blog post without your eyes glazing over, thank you so much for listening to me get a few things off my chest, and I’m sorry that so many of the details were so vague. I hope none of what I said was alarming to you; I can assure you that while so many things are up in the air for me right now, I am relatively safe and secure. And I apologize as well if I’ve harmed or appropriated the struggle of anyone who does have ADHD by the things that I’ve said. I’m working through a lot of confusion right now, and if I stepped out of line in any way, I’m truly sorry, and I want to learn how to do better.